I spent all day knowing exactly what I should be doing with this bloody song, and being unable to achieve it.
Eveything impedes me:
The room I work in is messy, so I should clean it... Can't be fucked.
I should have spent time 'doing' the garden... ditto
I should have written a long letter to a client, but I couldn't be fucked to do that either. QED I felt, and still feel guilty. Infact mentally it's taking me straight back to my school days where I spent more time coming up with excuses for not doing an assignment, than it would have taken to do the assignment in the first place.
Am I odd? I don't know. Probably.
I've come up with a resonable explanation for being the way I am. It's very simple and goes like this... I think of myself like an onion (btw it works for everyone).
I was born as this little 'nub' of spirt, thing, soul: call it what you will. Each day that goes by, each experience we have adds a layer to this onion.
Ergo the older you get, the more layers have been added, and the harder it is to reach back and connect with the 'nub' that is the real you.
At present I feel like I'm about to be chopped up and added to some peculiar sauce.
I do know that I have to do something about the state I'm in before it gets any worse. The question is what. Cat has no answer.
I've uploaded the finished 'I'm With Steve Now' so at least I don't have to worry about that. It does piss me off that it's not where I want it to be, still in the grand scheme of things does it really matter? Mediocraty rules with Apathy as his queen.
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